Havoc in the Dressing Room
by Aria Breuer
Summary: "I'm telling you, Samwise. I hadn't any clue those merfish were allergic to chloride," Frodo chided to his best friend, Sam Gamgee. He waited until Sam was in the dressing room, before leaving the door slightly ajar. "Wasn't there a warning, before the authoress plotted against the merfish?" Rated T for drinking. Featuring Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin.


**Disclaimers:** I do not own _The Lord of the Rings_. That trilogy belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien. All other canon references and materials belong to their respected owners. I only own the original material, such as original characters and the plot.

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So here we are! :) Another behind the story where the hobbits hang out…

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 _Hidden cameras have been set up in the dressing rooms, where our hobbits retire in-between stories… let's watch the fun, shall we? And it is all good and clean fun. Shhh!_

Frodo Baggins entered Dressing Room One. Already his mind reeled with questions on today's fairy tale. It wasn't much. Just another day out with the fishes – mermaids – no, they were merfish. What were they called again?

"I'm telling you, Samwise. I hadn't any clue those merfish were allergic to chloride," Frodo chided to his best friend, Samwise Gamgee, Sam for short. He waited until Sam was in the dressing room, before leaving the door slightly ajar. "Wasn't there some sort of a warning, before the authoress plotted against the merfish?" He checked his phone, dialing in the right numbers.

"Or maybe it was the plot bunnies," Sam asked him. "Do you think they were the cause of this madness?"

"Whatever it is," Frodo looked up from his phone, "we can be sure those plot bunnies will find another way to slip through the cracks and cause chaos to our already perfect story. I mean, what are they after? Carrots? Carrot cake? The fact that a killer bunny is still out there, safe and sound?" He wiped the sweat off his face. "You know what, whatever. Let's find out what's on the television."

"Are you sure that's a good idea, Mr. Frodo?" Sam asked. "I mean, do we have to be near that technology?"

"Of course, Sam. If we're to learn what our next story is to be told. Or rather, what we're about to face," Frodo grinned, as he flipped through the stations for something good to watch. He stopped at a station he liked most… "Let's see here. We got Supergirl, the Flash and…" and he found one. "Oh look. Here's something. How's this? A nice, polite game of golf."

"I wonder whose playin' today," Sam asked.

"Oh, it's the lions from 'The Lion King' playing," Frodo said, shrugging his shoulders. He shouted at the television screen, "Come on, Timon. You're better than this."

"Did someone say 'The Lion King'," Pippin Took asked, barging into the room. Frodo spun around at the sight of his two favorite cousins and friends, Pippin Took and Merry Brandybuck. Oh, how he missed them. And the strong cheesy whiff only meant one thing…

"Ah! You boys brought pizza!" Frodo said, taking one of the pizza boxes.

"No anchovies," Merry said, setting the pizza boxes on the nearest table. Frodo followed suit, opening the box to discover a three-cheese pizza with sausage and pepperoni, as well as the classic chopped olives.

"Oh Merry, you remembered," Frodo said. "However, you forgot the bacon."

"It's stuffed into the crust and you see those shavings," Merry said.

"But I prefer huge chunks of bacon," Frodo pouted for a spilt second. He laughed merrily, "I'm joking. But seriously, where's the bacon?"

"It's in here." Pippin said, opening another box. "We knew you couldn't resist both pizzas. So we asked for a second. The classic Timon recipe."

"I preferred that," Frodo said, impressed that his cousins knew his favorite.

"I prefer onions on mine," Sam said. "What is that music? Are the ghosts playing tonight? Huh?"

"Ohhhh!" Frodo, Merry, Pippin and Sam said in unison.

"He nailed it," Merry said, delighted.

"Good job, Timon," Frodo smirked. "Let's see if he wins the tryouts today." He asked next, "Where's the drinks?"

"We didn't forget those. Bourbon anyone?" Pippin asked, passing around the drinks.

"I'll take the whiskey," Sam said, while eating his three-cheese pizza with olives. He nodded when Pippin handed him a bottle. "Very good. Thank you, Mr. Pippin."

"Now remember: we drink responsibly and in moderation," Merry recited.

The room fell silent for a moment. Only a moment, for afterwards Frodo, Merry, Sam and Pippin burst into laughter. They could not help themselves. But Frodo was glad of it. This was their time to sit and relax… hey. That rhymed. Frodo was pleased with himself. He might… nah! He would be a great riddler someday, just like his Uncle Bilbo.

"You're my bestest best pal!" The warthog Pumbaa cheered on his meerkat buddy Timon on the television screen.

"Come on. Let's change the station," Frodo said, nearly regretting it. No. This was his time with Merry, Pippin and Sam. Well, he would find out what the score was. But then, what else was new and exhilarating on the tele? "Come on. I know we don't want to, but we're here, drinking responsibly and I say it's time for another rematch on the video games. What say you then? Anyone?"

"I'm out if you're in for playing video games!" Sam stood up, approaching the pizza and drink table.

"Come on, Sam," Merry said. "You always back out on video games. What's this, the harm in that?"

"Merry, how many drinks have you had today?" Pippin asked his friend.

"Oh, I had one or two drinks over at Sora's place," Merry said. "He didn't know. I snuck a few mickeys in there, too. See how he feels afterwards."

"Merry," Frodo said, "you know Mickey's going to get after you again."

"How many drinks have you had today, cousin?" Merry asked him.

Frodo finished his swig of bourbon. "Only one today."

"Our authors are going to kill us when they find out we've been drinking again," Pippin said, his words starting to slur.

"You always do this!" Sam complained. "You come into Mr. Frodo's dressing room and offer him drinks! And then I have to kick you two scoundrels back to your dormitories, just so you can pass out and catch some zzzs."

"Rosie's going to kill you too, Sam. Look at the mess you've made," Frodo said, his drink splashing out a bit from the bottle and onto the floor.

"Mr. Frodo, please. I'm trying to be responsible here," Sam said. He searched the pizza boxes. "Ah. There's a bacon-filled pizza with sausage and ham, and those little bits of pepperoni slices I so like."

"Here he goes again," Merry said, drinking another shot of whiskey.

"Here you go again," Pippin said, tapping his bottle against Merry's bottle.

"Yeah. Cheers!" Merry said, drinking another swig of bourbon.

"Merry, you're drunk," Frodo said.

"Hey, look who's talking! I've always wanted to say that," Merry said, belching for a brief moment.

"Don't tell me you got that off from 'The 10th Kingdom'…" Frodo burped uncontrollably. "Excuse me."

"Hey! Hey…" Pippin spilled some of his drink on the floor. "Let me tell you the time when I just…"

"Here they are!" Rosie stormed into the room. Frodo was surprised to see her, doing his best to keep from burping aloud. Rosie warned them, "Keep it down. You're rowdy and drunk as it is. I just came in to check up on you four to make sure you weren't… what is this? Is that beer on the floor?"

"The best," Merry and Pippin said.

"What do you need, Rosie?" Sam asked her. "I can keep an eye on these three, if that's what you want."

"Just keep an eye on them." Rosie said. "We only have five hours before the next showing. Surely your authors don't want to see you four drunk."

"We'll keep it quiet," Merry and Pippin said, tapping their bottles together.

"I'll keep an eye on them too," Frodo said.

"Right. Just be careful, and ready for the next scene," Rosie said, leaving the dressing room.

"Alrigh', let's clean up in here," Sam told Frodo, Merry and Pippin.

Pippin belched. "What did you say?"

"Come on. You two aren't that drunk," Frodo said to Merry and Pippin.

"I think they are drunk," Sam told Frodo.

"So, it's a bad day to play video games," Frodo said.

"And this is what we get for invitin' them over. All they want to do is drink," Sam said.

"I'm trying to stay sober, Sam," Frodo said. He recoiled a second later. "But I'll keep them on their toes."

Merry belched. "It's good ale, bourbon – what was that?" He stood up. "Hey, hey. I'm heading over to the set again. Pippin, tag along!" He scurried out of the dressing room.

"Right there with you, Merry," Pippin said. He turned to Frodo and Sam. "Sorry about the mess." He shrieked out in the hallway, carrying his drink, "Merry, wait up! We'll clean up in there, won't we?"

"Yes Pippin, we usually do!" Merry screeched back.

"Now we clean up this mess – oh!" Frodo was stunned to find cleaning droids cleaning up the mess on the floor and throughout the dressing room. It was only when they stopped cleaning that Frodo shook his head in amazement. The bottles weren't bourbon. They didn't smell like bourbon. He wasn't even drunk. Instead they were – "Apple juice. The nerve. Who'd would've done this to us?"

Sam sniffed the bottles, the scent of apple cider with cinnamon gulfing his nostrils. "There's a small amount of bourbon in these bottles. I should have known we weren't that drunk!"

"But who—" Frodo was cut off by Merry and Pippin's reentrance. They weren't drunk at all. "Guys, what on earth is going on here?"

"There were hidden cameras in this dressing room." Merry said, pleased with himself. "It was all an act."

"What?" Frodo shrieked, moving and pacing about the room in astonishment. "Who would do this?"

"Our lucky authors and authoresses wanted us to plant cameras in these dressing rooms, just to see our reactions," Pippin said.

"You play drunk good, Pippin," Merry shouted, giving Pippin a high five.

"You mean to tell me this was an act," Frodo and Sam said.

Merry nodded. "The belching wasn't. I may have had an extra glass of bourbon with Vernors. Just a tiny bit of Vernors or was it the bourbon?"

"It was a tiny bit of bourbon," Pippin said. "Not enough to get us fully drunk."

"Can we play the video game now?" Frodo asked his cousins.

"Sure. What do you want to play?" Merry asked him.

"Superheroes?" Frodo asked them.

"I'll set up the T.V.," Sam said, searching for the video game platform box.

"All right," Merry said, pulling out the box. "We have Mario, Sonic, Mario versus Sonic, and – oh! Here they are. Marvel versus DC. Or would you prefer just Marvel and or DC by themselves."

"Here we go again," Sam said.

 _Five Minutes Later…_

"No way!" Merry cheered. "The Green Lantern rocks! He so rocks, guys!"

"You've got to be kidding me. Batman is the best…" Frodo shouted, "Him and Superman are the best superheroes around. Superman would take out the Green Lantern."

"No," Pippin shook his head. "Batman outweighs them all. He scales walls…"

"Are you talking about Superman. Superman is awesome," Frodo said. "Next to Ironman, you can't beat him."

"The Hulk outmatches them all," Merry said.

"Thor would crush the Hulk," Frodo said.

"Hey!" Sam cried. "Keep it down, please." He was holding little Elanor in his arms.

"Sorry Sam," Frodo, Merry and Pippin said.

"Look, can we all agree that as a team, our superheroes kick some…"

"Tables and chairs," Rosie said.

"Right. We're keeping it clean here, folks," Frodo said. He burst into laughter alongside Merry and Pippin. It was good to be a hobbit, even when talking about superheroes. In the end, he found each superhero his top favorite pick. Well, except for Iron Man, but then he and the Atom were a category all their own.

The End.

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Thanks for reading. :)


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